The Very Secret Death Note Diaries
by OthilaOdal
Summary: The secret diaries of Death Note characters. Light, L, Near, Mello, Matt and others. Things you knew and didn't know about them. Just for fun. Strong language and a little sexual content. Enjoy!
1. 3rd December 2003

**Author's Notes:** Now I do realize this is a ridiculous waste of time but it is fun nonetheless. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Inspiration came from: The Very Secret LOTR diaries. Google it if you haven't already read it. It's hilarious.

I don't own Death Note.

Date: 3rd December 2003

**Light: [Age: 17]**

Dear Diary,

Met a Shinigami. The faggot didn't want to kill me so apparently I can continue writing in my Death Note…..oh hold on I never told you about the Death Note….sorry I got so busy writing in the Death Note I forgot all about you….simply put it's a notebook that kills people…how cool is that? And it comes with a free Shinigami! How cool is that? So I told the guy that I'm going to be the God of the new world that I create with this Death Note. How cool is that?

I'm awesome.

**L: [Age: 24]**

Dear Diary,

Some weirdo has started killing people all over the world. Apparently, he only kills criminals. Listen to that diary! Someone thinks they're oh so righteous because they're killing criminals. He must be thinking, 'ooh I'm such a good person! I'm the hope of them weaker peoples!'

Makes me sick!

**Near: [Age: 12]**

Dear Diary,

Still number one. Still better than Mello at everything. I thought he'd like me more if I was better than him but looks like I only managed to piss him off. He kicked my legos in my face today! :( Matt laughed.

Mello is a meanie.

**Mello: [Age: 13 going on 14 in 10 days.]**

Dear Diary,

Near is a jackass! He thinks just cuz he gets better grades than me he's better. Well I say NU-UH! I got way more swag than him. I mean have you seen his hair? My hair is bloody perfect. Also, played football till I fell on my ass. Went back to room and found Matt bent over his video game. IS HE NEVER GOING TO NOTICE ME?

I love Matt.

**Matt: [Age: 13]**

Dear Diary,

Recently started playing The Wind Waker. Cannot put my controller down anymore. Watched Mello play football for a while. His hair is perfect. I remember when I first saw him I thought he was a girl till I saw his thing while we were in the locker room. Haven't been able to get that image out of my mind since. Did I just get turned on just by writing about that?

Puberty is weird.


	2. 5th December 2003

**Author's Notes:** I swear this is coming out of nowhere. Don't own Death Note.

5th December 2003:

**Light: [Age: 17]**

Dear Diary,

FUCK FUCK FUCK L! THAT LITTLE BITCH OF A DETECTIVE THINKING HE'S OH SO SMART! He made me look like an idiot in front of the entire Kanto region on live Telly! I'VE NEVER BEEN SO HUMILIATED IN MY LIFE! And that dork of a Shinigami, Ryuk, just sat there and laughed. Now I look like an idiot in comparison to L. SAD FACE!

I hate L.

**L: [Age: 24]**

Dear Diary,

I'm feeling like a fucking genius today. MERHERHERHER… Made a fool of that fool that's killing criminals. They're calling him Kira. What kind of a bullshit name is that? I made him kill a criminal on live TV today while pretending it was me. And then dared him to kill me but he couldn't…So even he's got limitations. It's nice to know….I must admit I was scared I'd die but then I'm a fucking genius…lol

I'm awesome.

**Near: [Age: 12]**

Dear Diary,

There is some talk on the news going on about this guy they call Kira who can kill people with heart attacks without physically being there. I must admit diary this is very interesting. And L made such a bold move and everything. L is so cool. GO L!

I love L.

**Mello: [Age: 13 going on 14 in 8 days]**

Dear Diary,

Zomg! Diary L made such a cool move on TV! We didn't get to see it live cuz it was only aired in Kanto region of Japan but it's all over youtube and Matt showed all of us. More importantly, my birthday is coming up. I wonder if Matt is going to get me something. I want L to come for my birthday but meh I guess he'll be busy being cool and all.

Pre-birthday excitement.

**Matt: [Age:13]**

Dear Diary,

So L was cool on TV which is cool and all but more important Mello's Birthday is coming up and he's been hinting that he wants something. What could he want? More chocolate? What do I get him?

*sighs*

**Author's Notes: **Reviews would be nice.


	3. 10th December 2003

10th December 2003:

**Light: [Age: 17]**

Dear Diary,

Trying to show L that I'm awesome by killing criminals at random times. Hopefully he'll fall for me. Lol. No no just because it'd be easier to manipulate him if he falls for me y'kno. It's not that I find his mysteriousness extremely sexy or anything and it's not that I sometimes think of him when I'm in bed. It's not like that at all….Ryuk is just silly for thinking that way.

Ryuk is an idiot.

**L: [Age: 24]**

Dear Diary,

So apparently Kira can kill at any time of the day so he can control the time of death and can get info from the Japanese HQ. BIG DEAL! This guy needs to stop showing off. Now people think there is a loop hole in my theory. BITCH PLEASE! I'm never wrong.

Kira is a show off.

**Near: [Age: 12]**

Dear Diary,

Mello is being mean again! Why oh why can't he just like me? I mean I don't know how to make him like me. Maybe I should get better grades or get him a birthday present. Also, saw Matt checking out Mello's ass out today. Matt needs to be taught a lesson.

Matt is evil.

**Mello: [Age: 13 going on 14 in 3 days]**

Dear Diary,

Pre-birthday excitement made me go ballistic today ended up being an ass to Near for no reason. Usually I'd rather just stay out of his way and hope that he does the same. I think it's the effect of all the chocolate I've had. Also thought I saw Matt checking out my ass today. DIARY! I CANNOT EXPLAIN TO YOU HOW HAPPY THAT MADE ME! But why did it make me happy? I'm not gay or anything. I hope he liked….what he saw….Well atleast my hair looked perfect as always cuz I combed it for bloody hours till it curled at the end and everything….but then I really hope my ass looked just as nice. Perhaps I should make sure my ass looks just as perfect as my hair from now on.

I want to be sexy.

**Matt: [Age: 13]**

Dear Diary,

I've finally decided what to get for Mello for his Birthday! YAY! Shall sneak out tomorrow to get it. Also I found myself mesmerized by the how his ass moves when he walks. Is this normal diary? Saw Near glaring at me for checking out Mello's ass but I swear I couldn't help it.

Near is scary.


	4. 13th December 2003

13th December 2003

**Light: [Age: 17]**

Dear Diary,

GAAH! I'M SO BORED! But I'm still awesome. Awesomer than that L. I'll show you diary. I'll beat that guy. Been killing left and right. I created a cool false bottom for my drawer to hide the note. Ryuk is impressed. I'm scared I'm too charming for him. Also thought I heard him touching himself while I was trying to sleep. Chose to ignore it.

Ryuk is weird.

**L: [Age: 24]**

Dear Diary,

I'm closing in on Kira. Asked the FBI to tail a few people I'm suspecting. Still the smartest guy in the universe. Kira ain't got shit on me. Also is Mello's birthday. Told Watari to send some chocolates.

Bored now.

**Near: [Age: 12]**

Dear Diary,

Had Mello's Birthday party today. Got him a party hat cuz couldn't think of anything else. He shoved it in my mouth. Why must he be so mean? Made smart remark. Got cheered on by people. He hates me more. WHAT DO I DO?

Mello is confusing.

**Mello: [Age: 14]**

Dear Diary,

WOOHOO! I'm a big boy now! Got chocolates from L. I love L. AND AND AND! MAATT GOT ME PRESENTS AS WELL! PRESENTS, DIARY! LIKE PLURAL! I LOVE MATT. Got too excited and glomped him. People thought I was weird but Matt seemed to like it. He got me a pair of spandex pants, a bit too big for me, and hair conditioner. I wonder if that means my hair isn't perfect. NO! Sorry diary gotta go look for flaws in my hair.

Confused.

**Matt: [Age: 13]**

Dear Diary,

Mello seemed overjoyed by the presents. I hope he wears those pants I bought for him. I want to see what his ass would look like in spandex. It's a little weird though cuz right now he's fussing over his hair in the washroom….looking for split ends or something. I wonder why. Got glomped by him…turned me on a bit.

Mello is adorable.

**Author's Notes:** Guys I honestly hope you're enjoying this. Please do tell.


	5. 31st December 2003

31st December 2003

**Light: [Age 17]**

Dear Diary,

I'm so bloody awesome. Killed them FBI agents L had follow me. You can't touch this! Woot! Playing hard to get with L is so much fun. I hope he's as sexy as I imagine him. Hold on diary Ryuk is peeking. Get away stupid shinigami! KILL KILL KILL! There! That made him look away.

Dreaming of L.

**L: [Age 24]**

Dear Diary,

I had to show my pretty face to some detectives. NUUUU! Stupid Kira making me come out of hiding. Had to put on eyeliner and everything. Thinking everyone has a crush on me now. Also, installed cameras in Mello and Near's rooms. Need to know them better before I let them succeed me.

My pretty face is exposed. :(

**Near: [Age 12]**

Dear Diary,

I've made my decision I'm going to plot Mello's demise. He clearly likes ebil people better. I mean why else would he hang out with Matt so much? I'm going to destroy him and then he'll like me. Hehehe.

Matt is a bitch.

**Mello: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Thought Matt was making moves on me leaning in and eating my chocolate out of my hand. Tried to fight him for the piece of chocolate he stole. Ended up eating it out of his mouth. He looked surprised. SO AWKWARD! I hope he doesn't hate me.

Matt's lips have sexy texture.

**Matt: [Age 13]**

Dear Diary,

MELLO ALMOST KISSED ME TODAY!...well he sort of did kiss me….but then he was taking back the chocolate I stole. But then he didn't have to go so far….but then he sort of bit me so….oh God I'm so turned on right now….gotta go diary it's fap time.

Mello's lips are incredibly soft.

**Author's Notes:** WOOHOO! Some MattxMello.


	6. 8th January 2004

**Author's Notes:** Just in case anyone was wondering why I'm writing this, it's mostly because I can and I'm bored and this is rather fun. I don't own Death Note fortunately for the characters.

8th January 2004

**Light: [Age 17 going on 18 in a month]**

Dear Diary,

Realized L has put up cameras and wire taps all over the house. Had to go outside in order to hide my joy. YAY! I finally have his attention! But stupid Ryuk won't be able to eat apples if the cameras stay so have to get rid of them..also can't be Kira if L keeps watching. AWWW but I want him to watch me :(

Stupid notebook…stupid shinigami

**L: [Age 24]**

Dear Diary,

So tiresome having to watch so many people. Light reads porno mags? HAHA! Who does he think he's fooling? He didn't even have a reaction! Have deduced that he is gay. Was watching Near and Mello as well. Near is boring as usual…forever solving puzzles and stuff….Mello is weird though. Noticed Matt's bed was unusually flat and unmoving at night. Realized in the morning that he was sharing beds with Mello. Wondering what they were doing under the sheets.

So hard to pick successor.

**Near: [Age 12]**

Dear Diary,

Heard Mello wanted to form L fan club so I formed one before he could. Everyone loved it except Mello. Asked him to join. He said 'won't join your stupid fan club.' Why? Even when I'm being a meanie why does he not like me?

I really do love L…so works for me either way.

**Mello: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

! Near stole my idea of making L fan club! Near is a jackass. Also, been cuddling with Matt under sheets lately. He's so warm. I wonder if it's like brotherly cuddling or like more than friends cuddling. Shall keep it secret. Will be very embarrassing if someone finds out.

Matt has a surprisingly lean torso.

**Matt: [Age 13]**

Dear Diary,

Mello all raged out cuz Near started L fan club before he could. Forbade me from joining. BUT I WANNA! Mello cuddling is going great maybe if I grab his ass he might realize is not cuddling for brotherly reasons. Having a hard time hiding morning wood.

I'm epic gamer by the way.


	7. 17th January 2004

**Author's Notes:** I don't own Death Note. And zomg Light meets L!

17th January 2004

**Light: [Age 17 going on 18]**

Dear Diary,

L ended surveillance 5 days ago. Stupid Shinigami can have all the apples he wants now. Glad can kill freely now and don't have to eat potato chips all dramatic anymore. Also, saw a weirdo at university entrance exam. Sits weird and wears eyeliner and stuff. He kept staring. Found attention very flattering.

I'm popular already yay!

**L: [Age 24]**

Dear Diary,

Had to go to entrance exam to stalk Light. Must admit he's quite good looking in person but too bad I don't bend that way. He kept glancing at me. Sucks having to go to uni with all these younger people. Had to put eyeliner on again. Light might develop crush on me.

Eating cake now!

**Near: [Age 12]**

Dear Diary,

Found surveillance cameras in room. Thought might be L's doing. Don't understand why he needs to be so pervy. He might be into little boys. Went to check if there were any in Mello's room. He went all white with fear and slammed the door in my face.

Dunno what Mello is hiding.

**Mello: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

This is bad! Was cuddling with Matt. Matt grabbed my ass. Clearly not brotherly. Liked it very much…he did too…my ass is perfect afterall . Then Near knocked on door. Asked about surveillance cameras. In rage I slammed door in his face…might have hurt his nose…serves him right. Looked for cameras and found some. L put up cameras in my room? Does he know of the Matt cuddle sessions? Very embarrassed.

Sent Matt to his own bed.

**Matt: [Age 13]**

Dear Diary,

Maybe Mello doesn't like me afterall. Grabbed his ass…very firm and sexy…so turned on. Then Near knocks on door. Mello went all crazy after Near showed up and started looking for something. Wasn't paying attention. Needed to level up at MMORPG while trying to hide boner. Got shoved back to my bed before I could understand what was going on. But guess it was worth it.

Mello's ass is perfect.


	8. 2nd February 2004

2nd February 2004

**Light: [Age 17 going on 18 in less than a month]**

Dear Diary,

Haven't had any news of L lately. Has he given up on me? Did I go too far with the hard to get thing? No matter. Silly crush anyway. Still killing people. Still God. I'm so cool I can hardly contain my awesomeness.

Girls falling left and right when I pass them by.

**Misa: [Age 18]**

Dear Diary,

Been praying so hard for Kira to kill Misa's parent's murderers. Kira finally did it. Respect for Kira gone through the roof.

Misa is the cutest gothic loli around.

**L: [Age 24]**

Dear Diary,

Been thinking very hard about Kira case lately. Everyone in team so useless. Doesn't matter. Still the smartest guy in the universe. Took down cameras from Near and Mello's rooms two days ago cuz felt like a pedo. Still dunno who to pick for succeeding me. Really like nasty look in both Mello and Near's eyes. Also sent Matt video games for his birthday yesterday. Seriously picking gifts for these kids is so easy.

Matt made Roger send me cake!

**Near: [Age 12]**

Dear Diary,

Still better than Mello. Still plotting his demise. Noticed L took cameras down two days ago. Glad he has decided to stop being pedo. Noticed Matt and Mello have been acting weird lately. Like awkward and all. This is good, diary! Finally my chance to steal Mello from Matt. Gave Matt a tarot reading for his birthday yesterday. Told him he's going to die. Awkward moment when he said 'everyone dies'

Matt is smarty pants.

**Mello: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Near still getting better grades than me. Tooth hurts from eating too much chocolate. Will brush till I achieve perfection. Realized L took down cameras two days ago. Therefore gave Matt two hour cuddle session as birthday gift. Been awkward with him lately. Don't think he realizes we were being watched. Asked what else he wanted. He said he wanted one of my hairs. Plucked one out after much bickering.

My hair is still perfect.

**Matt: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Got video games from L for birthday. Very happy. Sent cake for him. Got two hour cuddle session from Mello after so long of not cuddling. Boner was inevitable. He asked what else I wanted. Wanted to say I wanted to touch his ass again but got scared of being shoved back to my own bed so asked for a hair instead. He bickered while plucking it out. Wish I could ask for a walkthrough to his heart.

Confused.


	9. 7th April 2004

7th April 2004

**Light: [Age 18]**

Dear Diary,

Mood : Apathetic. My life is spiraling downwards….no. Seriously. Creepy weirdo at uni that sits funny told me he's L. Didn't believe it. Played tennis with him. Won. Felt super cool. Dad got heart attack. Went to visit him at the hospital. He confirmed that weirdo really is L. Didn't expect L to be so creepy. Heart broken. Winning doesn't feel good anymore. Depressed.

Going to go kill someone.

**Misa: [Age 18]**

Dear Diary,

Misa has come to Japan to look for Kira, now that Misa has Death Note and Shinigami called Rem. Rem is so cute. She's like a walking talking encyclopedia. Don't understand why encyclopedia has to follow Misa to the bathroom when Misa wants to shower.

Misa worships Kira…..literally.

**L: [Age 24]**

Dear Diary,

Light looked rather disappointed when I told him I was L. Why does he think everyone should dress all fancy pants like him? Played tennis with him. Let him win because he kept making puppy dog eyes. Soichiro got heart attack. Went to hospital to visit him. More cheesy emo boy routine from Light.

Not sure if emo boy Light is Kira.

**Near: [Age 12]**

Dear Diary,

Made no progress with Mello. Matt seems to be doing way better than me. That evil evil evil guy! And then he acts all nice to me when Mello's not looking. Thinking about selling him out to Mello to make Mello hate him.

Still the best grades.

**Mello: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Walked in on Matt taking a shower today. Couldn't see…junk….but realized he has very sexy man lines. Instant boner. Turned to leave. Thought I heard him say 'come here.' Chose to ignore. Regretting it severely now.

Kicking myself.

**Matt: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Thinking Mello finds me ugly. He walked in while I was taking a shower. Awkward cuz I still had goggles on and was pretending to be a shark. Told him to come to me. He ignored. Either I'm ugly or Mello is shy…..NAH! I'm fucking sexy. Will try being more forceful.

Must have Mello.


	10. 18th April 2004

18th April 2004

**Light: [Age 18]**

Dear Diary,

You wouldn't believe this! Random stranger also has my powers! BAWW! I'm not special :( …But but but stranger broadcasted shit on TV to get my attention. Finally! My prince charming is here! Will be able to get over fact that L is creepy weirdo! Take that L, you heartbreaker!

Dreaming of sexy prince charming.

**Misa: [Age 18]**

Dear Diary,

The video tapes Misa sent under Kira's name to Sakura TV finally got aired. Misa is such a clever little gothic loli! Rem is worried about Misa. She doesn't need to. Kira will probably treat Misa like a little princess.

Dreaming of Kira.

**L: [Age 24]**

Dear Diary,

Kira sent stupid videos to Sakura TV to be aired. Confiscated them after death of one detective. Not happy. Thinking this might be a different Kira cuz this Kira is bloody stupid. Resisting the urge to bitch slap someone in second Kira's stead. Anyways second Kira also wants to see my pretty face. Didn't realize I had fans.

I'm surrounded by idiots.

**Near: [Age 12]**

Dear Diary,

Matt showed everyone youtube video of development in Kira case. Kira seems very stupid. More importantly, why is Matt acting all cool showing everyone these videos? I mean we realize you have found a way to steal Roger's wifi so you can pirate games and watch porn but STOP SHOWING OFF! He just wants to be cool around Mello.

I'm way cooler.

**Mello: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Watched Kira broadcast with Matt once Near and the rest were gone. Matt is so cool. Couldn't help but swoon. He accidentally clicked wrong tab and ended up on his porn page. Couldn't help but blush severely. Told him he'd get into trouble. He smiled and looked at my lips for a split second. OMG DIARY! Do you think..? Could it be? Trying not to swoon again.

Must make sure lips are perfect from now on.

**Matt: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Watched Kira broadcast with Mello. Awkward moment ensued when accidentally ended up on porn page. Mello didn't seem very put off with weird taste in porn. So turned on. Couldn't pay attention anymore cuz Mello's lips. *sighs*

Don't even know what Kira broadcast was about.

**Author's Notes:** In order to avoid changing the rating of this fic and for the safety of the minds of masses I refuse to explain what kind of porn Matt watches.


	11. 23rd April 2004

**Author's Notes**: I make Light sound so gay it's not even funny. Also I must admit writing for Misa is actually challenging because she's stupid [sorry] and I have to refer to myself in third person. Also! I don't own death note.

23rd April 2004

**Light: [Age 18]**

Dear Diary,

Tricked creepy weirdo L into letting me join investigation. HAHA! I'm such a genius. I'm going to ruin him for ruining my L fantasies. He made me broadcast video saying I'm real Kira. NO DUH! But happy cuz will get to meet prince charming soon.

I'm so awesome.

**Misa: [Age 18]**

Dear Diary,

SO HAPPY! Got response from Kira! So he does care about Misa! Spent whole day listing down things Misa would do when Misa meets Kira. Things like give him a foot rub, a massage, shower and stuff…Misa has only one rule; no nudity. But Misa could break that rule for Kira….if he's not hairy. Trying to get rid of that thought. Gotta go diary. Have to make video response for Kira!

This is like youtube on live TV.

**L: [Age 24]**

Dear Diary,

Got Light to join investigation team after testing him. Very creeped out by how he made same deduction as me. Either he is as smart as me or….NAH! Fancy pants gay boy smart as me? Pfft..impossible. Made him air video pretending to be Kira. In the script he wrote he told second Kira to continue asking me to show my pretty face. Told him to scratch that. Won't show my pretty face to no one anymore.

Fans are so bothersome.

**Near: [Age 12]**

Dear Diary,

Matt showing off even more with Kira related youtube videos. Got very annoyed. Told Roger Matt is stealing wifi. Watched as he got scolded. Couldn't contain laughter. I'm awesome! Very heartbroken when saw Mello stand up for him afterwards…should've stuck with ruining Mello instead of Matt…if wouldn't have gotten jealous of Matt this wouldn't have happened. Must keep emotions in check…

Emotions are the reason Mello is second afterall.

**Mello: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

I warned him, diary! I told him he'd get into trouble. My poor baby got scolded so badly. Had to stand and watch the whole thing. Held his hand through it. Got pissed and told Roger to fuck off. Got bitch slapped and sent to bed without supper. Kicked Matt later cuz have huge red mark on my otherwise prefect face…silly boy got me into trouble.

Totally worth it.

**Matt: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Mello is my hero. Roger found out about wifi leeching. Got scolded. Mello held my hand through it. I don't think he realizes I wasn't listening to Roger. Still very cute. Hand brushed against his ass while he was holding it. GOD DAMN TESTOSTERONE! Mello told Roger to fuck off. Probably the point where I started paying attention. My poor baby got slapped! Got sent to bed without supper.

Fapped.


	12. 25th May 2004

**Author's Notes:** Thanks a bunch for all the reviews people. I'm really glad I managed to make a few people laugh. I don't own death note. Enjoy!

25th May 2004

**Light: [Age 18]**

Dear Diary,

OMG DIARY! SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED! Stupid prince charming sent diary pages to Sakura TV. Thought prince was very stupid to be doing so. No matter I can make up for what he lacks…on several fronts. Went to Ayoma with Matusda and silly uni classmates to look for prince charming. He didn't show up. Was very annoyed about being stood up. Then prince broadcasts state he has found me! Surprised…L airs video asking prince to stay away from me. Don't know why he's being so jelly now. AND THEN THE WORST MOMENT OF MY LIFE TOOK PLACE! Silly gothic loli shows up at front door with notebook…yes death note! OMG DIARY PRINCE IS A PRINCESS! SO HEARTBROKEN! WHY CAN'T I HAVE SOME LOVE?...loli said name was Misa….loli seems very submissive. Asked to be my girlfriend….said yes after bickering.

Can't even kill silly loli girl.

**Misa: [Age18]**

Dear Diary,

Never thought Kira would be so smexy and handsome and wonderful. Can't keep emotions in check anymore….not that Misa ever does that. Kira's name is Light, Diary. Such a wonderful name! Went to see him…had to resist urge to jump his bones. I'M NOT SINGLE ANYMORE DIARY!

He loves me..He loves me not…he loves me….ofcourse he does!

**L: [Age 24]**

Dear Diary,

Sent people to check out all places mentioned in second Kira's diary. Second Kira says has already found Kira. Told second Kira to stay away from Kira. Stupid stupid nonsense having to take care of stupid stupid people. Percentage of Light being Kira steadily rising. Not happy about it. For one have already shown him pretty face. Secondly have so much fun playing mind games with him don't want him to leave. Also shat bricks when second Kira mentioned shinigamis.

Suddenly realizing why I had avoided making friends for so long…cuz pretty face.

**Near: [Age 12]**

Dear Diary,

Things have been getting rather silent between myself and Mello. He doesn't even take the time to be meanie to me anymore. Matt is being severely nice to me lately. Like sits around with me and plays and pats head when Mello goes out to play football. Starting to feel very guilty for getting him into trouble. Could it be diary? Could this be his evil plan to get me off track? No matter shall focus on Mello. Missing L very much.

Don't like missing people.

**Mello: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Sorry for not updating you about recent events. Been very busy and been day dreaming a lot. Not very good for performance. Plus have to make sure my hair remains perfect. Get little to no time now that things with Matt are getting serious…..YES YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT DIARY! Dating Matt currently….well shush shush don't tell anyone. He's so dreamy. I love him. Finally diary! Not going to explain how far we've gone cuz….ionno…embarrassed. We should share last names…..DANG IT! Have to keep Aliases!

Mello Jeevas…..yeah that sounds nice for now.

**Matt: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Dating spree with Mello going great. Been sneaking out every now and then to go to little forest like plantation behind playground with Mello. Silly idea for a date but can't do much anyway. Been hanging out with Near as well. This is good isn't it? Mello fusses so much about hair. Can't stand how sexy he is…..oh by the way diary before I forget [not that I can] I have officially lost my virginity to Mello and vice versa. HURHURHUR! I'm a man now! In short, it was steamy, tiring but ungh ungh ungh!

Fapping days are over.


	13. 28th May 2004

**Author's Notes:** Greg is an OC….I don't own death note.

28th May 2004

**Light: [Age 18]**

Dear Diary,

I see stupid people….everywhere! Except L. L is very smart. BLASTED L! WHY MUST HE BE SO EXCEEDINGLY SEXY WHEN HE'S SMART? Fearing I'm beginning to find creepy people attractive. Dating Miss To-Oh behind Misa's back cuz I'm sexy and everyone wants my Godhood. L showed up at uni after being absent for so long. He's going to get into trouble. Lol. Then stupid Misa shows up at uni as well! Ruins my moment with L! Ah but thought now was good chance to get revenge on L for turning me into creep fancying perv. Called Misa after L left….L stole her phone. Also he's telling me now that he's arresting Misa….MISA YOU STUPID BITCH!

L is smart.

**Misa: [Age 18]**

Dear Diary,

Went to see Light at his uni cuz fearing that he might be cheating on Misa. Saw his friend Ryuga. Don't think that's his real name though cuz cool eyes say his name was….oh….urm….who cares anyway? He's not important….was rather weird. Got surrounded by nice people who like Misa. Misa's ass got groped. Misa knows she's pretty but no one needed to go so far. Hold on diary….people wanting to take Misa some place.

Is that a blindfold?

**L: [Age 24]**

Dear Diary,

Did I mention I'm a genius? Went to see Light at uni. Kira can't kill me now... HAHA. Take that stupid boy trying to be smarter than me! Met Misa Amane…knew Light was dating her. So cute I want to….EAT HER LIKE CAKE….. groped her ass AND stole her cell phone….originally as a souvenir. DURHURHUR.. Light called immediately…OHOHO! Light you dirty boy! Anyways arrested Misa on charges of being second Kira.

Suddenly glad I stole her cell phone…..hence genius.

**Near: [Age 12]**

Dear Diary,

Found out Matt and Mello are like…more than friends. Them silly peoples were playing hide and seek today and Mello and Matt hid together. Greg found them in a closet making out…..saw with my own eyes. Greg got beaten to pulp by Mello. Glad both Mello and Matt didn't realize I was there.

Hell…I'm not surprised anymore.

**Mello: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Got caught making out with Matt by Greg while playing hide and seek. I told silly redhead making out in the middle of game was horrible idea. But could not resist once he started getting grabby. Had to threaten and beat the shit out of Greg in order to keep secret.

Things I do for love.

**Matt: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Lol….I'm sorry but I'm finding this rather hilarious. Got caught making out with Mello by silly boy Greg. Watched Mello beat the shit out of Greg….couldn't help but laugh. Mello so energetic. Sorry Greg it was hilarious.

Pfft lmao…Greg's face! HAHA!


	14. 1st June 2004

**Author's Notes:** Stacey is an OC…I don't own death note.

1st June 2004

**Light: [Age 18]**

Dear Diary,

It's so troublesome having to take care of Misa. Stupid bitch got herself arrested and then gave up ownership of death note. Now stupid shinigami Rem wants me to get her out of there. STUPID FUCK! WHY ME? Anyways came up with epic brilliant plan. Take that L! I'm awesome. Gotta go diary. Have to go turn myself in to L..

Hoping he'll fall for me after seeing fragile state.

**L: [Age 24]**

Dear Diary,

Misa called me pervert! WHAT THE FUCK! Stupid wench! Now everyone thinks I'm perverted. Everyone telling me to let her go and everything. What is wrong with these people? All they do is find flaws in my plans. They're never any help! Beginning to feel this is plot to ruin my reputation. Now silly Light is saying he might subconsciously be Kira. Stupid fuck I've been saying you're Kira all along! Are you fucking kidding me?

These bitches need to find themselves some brains.

**Near: [Age 12]**

Dear Diary,

Focusing attention on studies in order to avoid feeling heartbroken about developments in Matt and Mello's relationship. Shall focus on L for a while. Really missing him. Always lie to people telling them I haven't seen L….saw him a year and half ago when he came to visit Roger very late at night. Know he's L cuz Roger called him that. Thought he might be into older folks till realized he was here to take data files on Wammy's children. Glad because found him very attractive. Sexy black hair and eyeliner and everything.

Afraid I'm into older men.

**Mello: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Relationship with Matty is going too sexy for words. [omg nick names yay!] I'm absolutely perfect by the way. Been developing slight muscles on arms and legs have been growing longer. Noticed Stacey has been hitting on Matt. Told her to fuck off cuz he's mine. She called me girly boy! BITCH SLAPPED THAT BITCH INTO THE GROUND!

Oh snap!

**Matt: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Been growing at a fast rate lately. I'm taller than Mellz now. [lol nick names so cute!] Mello is perfect by the way. A little too perfect. Noticed Linda was trying to make moves on him today. Don't think Mello noticed. Dragged the bitch away from him and threatened her till she cried like the little bitch that she is.

No one steals my man.


	15. 15th June 2004

**Author's Notes:** I don't own death note.

15th June 2004

**L: [Age 24]**

Dear Diary,

So tiring watching idiots. Misa keeps calling me pervert. Familiar temptation to bitch slap rising. Hence can conclude Misa is second Kira. Light confinement also pretty weird. He's suddenly gone all goo goo eyes. Keeps telling me to let him out. Everyone thinks I should. Rather fun watching him squirm around like a worm so won't do it.

Thinking I might be into bondage.

**Near: [Age 12]**

Dear Diary,

Thinking I might have solved every puzzle on earth. Silly laundry woman mixed my laundry with Matt's….all clothes are pink now cuz of Matt's red shirts. Hopefully won't get his cooties. Roger says I look cute in pink. Fearing he might be into little boys. Too old for me. Does he not understand white goes with my hair?

Mello laughed at pink clothes.

**Mello: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

HAHA! Near's clothes are pink! Mixed his clothes with Matt's red shirts when silly laundry woman wasn't looking. Pink so not his colour. Looks like strawberry ice cream with whip cream topping now. See? Told you I had way more swag than him! Side note: Matt growing taller than me. Liking that a lot. Sexy tall gamer boy with silly goggles. Back on topic: Black goes perfect with my perfect blond hair combed to perfection…hence got way more swag than Near.

Take that Near you little faggot!

**Matt: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Watching Mello roll on floor laughing at Near's clothes. Very cute when he laughs like that…albeit little scary. Mello has way more sense of fashion than Near. Hence sexier. Anyways, putting my sexy on for Mello…taking him to the plantation again…

Hopefully will get action tonight.


	16. 23rd July 2004

**Author's Notes: **Thanks a bunch for the reviews guys...keeps me going with this craziness.

23rd July 2004

**Light: [Age 18]**

Dear Diary,

Missed you! More importantly, almost got killed by dad. Stupid old man fired blank at me. Glad hands were cuffed or would've bitch slapped either him or silly loli sitting next to me. Hand cuffed to L now. Thinking L might be into bondage. Could it be diary? Could L be falling for me?

So happy!

**L: [Age 24]**

Dear Diary,

Got forced by silly team to let Light and Misa go. *sighs* Surrounded by idiots, diary, surrounded. Silly Misa wants to date Light in private. Told her can't let her cuz Light is top suspect for Kira case so is forever cuffed to me. Stupid loli went on and on about me being a pervert. Wishing I was handcuffed to her instead of Light. Visible panties so sexy. Matsuda's excitement starting to hurt head.

Fearing Light might be making moves on me.

**Near: [Age 12 going on 13 in a month]**

Dear Diary,

Wondering when I'll be able to leave this place. Atleast toys keep company. Mello so mean! Matt tries to be nice. Could smell tobacco on him. Want to see L. Don't care anymore about age gap. Shall be his little bitch for as long as he wants. Rolling on floor wondering what to do.

Still best grades.

**Mello: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Near being strange lately. He has become king of sighs. Wondering if he's in love….weird thought…who could it be? Curiosity most unsettling. Maybe should go and ask him….NO! Shall be considered failure if I do so. Shall find out on my own. Also, Matt had his first cigarette today. Was a turn on till he choked and coughed constantly for an hour….slapped his back out of annoyance.

I'm a sexy beast.

**Matt: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Mello expressing concern about Near's constant sighing….Wonder why he cares. He seems to think Near is in love. Currently plotting ways to figure out who it could be. Mello eating too much chocolate. Also, had my first cigarette today. Stole it from Roger. Choked and coughed for an hour. Mello tried to help by slapping back. Hit too hard…..not sure if he was trying to help.

Doesn't matter I'm still badass.


	17. 2nd August 2004

2nd August 2004

**Light: [Age 18]**

Dear Diary,

Moved to new facility L had built. Enjoying being dragged around by L. Got into fight with him. Didn't know how else to motivate him. Cutey pie being all down and demotivated very cute. He hit me back! Slightly turned on so hit him again. He returned favor. Noticed he has nice hands. Imagining them around my…hold on diary L is peeking. MUST FIND KIRA! MUST PROOVE INNOCENCE! MUST REMAIN BY L'S SIDE! That made him look away. Did you see what I did there diary? 'Must remain by L's side'? Hopefully he'll take the hint.

Misa and rest of the team, why you no leave us alone?

**L: [Age 24]**

Dear Diary,

Moved to awesome new facility I had built. Everyone very impressed. DAMN RIGHT! They should be. I'm awesome. Got into fight with Light. Thought he wanted to grope me. Hit him back. Stupid fuck who's pretty face does he think he's trying to ruin? I'm L. My pretty face is precious. He's just jelly cuz I'm hot. Matsuda being stupid again. Peeked in Light's diary…he might have crush on me…hold on diary Light is peeking. I AM L. I AM JUSTICE. I WILL FIND KIRA AND DESTROY HIM. That was easy.

Stupid cuffs.

**Near: [Age 12 going on 13 in less than a month]**

Dear Diary,

You look odd today. Finding chocolate crumbs on you most suspicious. Was Mello in here? Couldn't care less. Trying to find a way to get in touch with L. Shall look through Roger's room to see if I can find contact info.

Found red hair on desk….not liking this.

**Mello: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

I'M A FUCKING GENIUS SEXY BOY! Went through Near's diary with Matt today. Couldn't read old entries cuz not enough time. So he likes L, eh? Didn't think he was into older men. Very surprised. But I won't let him….tempted to find way to contact L and smut talk him into liking me. But then I'm with Matt.

I think Matt is ignoring me at the moment.

**Matt: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Must admit a little pissed off at Mello right now. Went through Near's diary. Found out he likes L although I always thought he liked Mello. Glad to hear. Mello expressed temptation to find L and flirt with him. VERY FUCKING JEALOUS DIARY VERY FUCKING JEALOUS! Playing games right now to improve mood.

Don't want to talk to Mello.


	18. 24th August 2004

24th August 2004

**Light: [Age 18]**

Dear Diary,

Slightly bored….very bored….been looking for Kira suspects. Want to find something worth showing L so he'd like me. Been cuffed to him forever. Tried making moves. Touching ..'accidentally' rubbing against….smacking lips….batting eyelashes….nothing works! SO SAD! Why he no like me? Been very pouty lately. Watching L sleep right now. Didn't know he's capable of sleeping. Resisting urge to touch.

Must fap.

**L: [Age 24]**

Dear Diary,

Very demotivated lately. Only fun comes out of stacking jelly and sugar cubes on top of each other. Even Light and Misa's silly dates have stopped amusing me. Near's birthday today. Sent him harder blank puzzles. Hopefully he'll enjoy it. Watari is informing me of Near trying to steal info about me from Roger's office. Won't work Near..Roger doesn't know much about me. Also, tricked Light into thinking I was sleeping…. Heard suspicious noises and everything. Knew he was gay.

Very flattered by Near's cuteness.

**Near: [Age 13]**

Dear Diary,

Happy Birthday to me! This birthday was rather odd. L sent harder puzzles than usual. Glad he thinks I should continue improving. Really love him a lot. Hugged puzzle box the whole day. Matt bought cool transforming robot toys for me. Very thankful. But what's really odd is that Mello bought me present as well. Book on styling hair….very confusing. Don't know what he's trying. Could it be my hair isn't nice? :( Finding myself constantly twirling hair cuz unsure of how bad it looks. Mello doesn't seem to realize curly hair is incredibly hard to maintain.

Didn't get info about L from Roger's office….most disappointing.

**Mello: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Near's Birthday. Matt made me follow him to party. Also made me buy gift for him. Been feeling sorry for him lately so bought him book on styling hair. Hopefully he'll put it to good use. Matt forbade me from looking for L. Agreed. Love Matt more anyways. Near can have L. Matt trying to get my attention right now with bowl of melted chocolate….no use….not fun if can't sexy bite it…what is he doing with it?...

gotta go diary.

**Matt: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Went to Near's birthday party today with Mello. Sort of looked like a couple….no matter….rumours about us been going around since forever anyways. Near liked presents I bought. He liked L's more ofcourse. Mello was kind enough to buy present as well and also agreed not to look for L. Made me very happy. Rewarded him by spilling melted chocolate on shirtless self. Crazy hot sex inevitable.

Mello is wild.

**Author's Notes:** And that is how our yaoi fantasies came true.


	19. 1st October 2004

**Author's Notes:** Before I begin there is something I need to ask. I've been playing around with a plot explaining Mello's rise to power in the mafia. Actually it's more like Mello's life after he left Wammy's House. It will of course have a bit of MxM in later chapters. So far I've put down 5 chapters and I'm finding myself wondering if anyone would even care about it. It touches upon rather odd subjects and is serious in comparison to this fic. I'm just wondering if anyone would be interested in reading a long winded description of Mello's life [or more like my weird theories of his life]….Do tell in the reviews.

1st October 2004

**Light: [Age 18]**

Dear Diary,

SO PROUD OF SELF TODAY! I'm a m'fucking crime fighting L loving genius. Found out about Yotsuba's competition's sudden deaths. And rise in stocks and other smart things. Told L. L finally has motivation back! ALL THANKS TO ME DIARY! Hopefully will be repayed with something steamy.

I'm awesome.

**L: [Age 24 going on 25 in a month]**

Dear Diary,

Smarty pants Light found Yotsuba's relation with Kira. Must say quite impressed. Not very happy about smarty pants being smarter than me. He should stop showing off. It was just luck. Silly boy getting all ahead of himself. Also show off tendencies confirm he is Kira. Also, thinking Light might want reward for 'brilliance'. Will give him a strawberry from my next slice of cake.

Don't wanna give up strawberry.

**Near: [Age 13]**

Dear Diary,

Girls making moves on me. Asking me to come out and play with them. Didn't know how to tackle situation so went to Mello….Mello gets hit on by all possible genders. Mello grinned and said I was growing up. Dunno what he was grinning about though. Later got dragged to washroom by Matt and Mello who started giving me tips on how to look cool…playing around with my hair and checking out my skin and ass and God only knows what else.….dunno how this helps with getting rid of girls.

….I think it has the opposite effect.

**Mello: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Near walked in while Matt and I were having pillow fight. Good thing cuz I was pissed enough to want to break Matt's nose. He was ruining my hair! Near said something about girls making moves on him. Not surprised. About time anyways. Good thing as well…this way he wouldn't waste time thinking of L. Don't think he wants the attention but I was quite flattered by him coming to me….proves I got way more swag than him. I'm a fucking sexy beast. My hair is perfect so is my ass….And if anyone ever saw me shirtless they would climax without me having to touch them…ask Matt he knows what I'm talking about…I'm fucking delicious. Hold on what was I trying to say? Yeah so gave Near a bit of a makeover. Straightened his hair…gelled it back…let him borrow Matt's black and white striped shirt. Must admit he looked good. Ofcourse he did! I worked on that shit!

Near better be grateful.

**Matt: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

So tired after Near makeover session. Missing my shirt already. But glad he interrupted pillow fight. Was about to get killed by Mello. Very proud of Mello's makeover skills though. The guy is a genius. Also thinking about what we should do when we graduate. Perhaps leave this place. Get apartment together. Game till no end. Travel world. Mello's going to turn 15 before me but no matter. I'll only be a few months after him. Won't have to worry about keeping voices down during sexy time then. It's getting harder to do so…afraid Roger might separate us if he finds out.

Gotta go diary…need to own this boss fight.


	20. 8th October 2004

8th October 2004

**Light: [Age 18]**

Dear Diary,

Matsuda so silly. Had sudden need to play detective with Yotsuba and got caught. Silly little thing kinda cute actually. Had to fake his death in order to get him away from Kira. HAHA! L all worked up about it. L so cute being heroic and everything.

Might want threesome with Matsuda and L someday.

**L: [24 going on 25 in less than a month]**

Dear Diary,

Find me a wall to hit my head against. A nice wall that can damage my awesome brain cells so I don't have to deal with people's amazing level of stupidity. Was briefing Wedy and Aiber for moves to make against Yotsuba when found out silly Matsu went all detective on Yotsuba's ass AND got caught. Had to fake his death to get him out of situation. Either way I'm hero so now am 10 times cooler.

Prolly should thank Matsu for that.

**Near: [Age 13]**

Dear Diary,

Got rid of silly things Mello and Matt did to my hair cuz all girls swooning and drooling around me. Found attention very fun until they knocked over my jenga blocks. Scratched girl's face till she ran away screaming.

Mello still laughing about it.

**Mello: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Sudden love for jenga after watching Near fuck up his chances of ever getting laid with any of the chicks in Wammy's House. Silly boy actually scratched the girl's face. WHO DOES THAT! A good thing cuz got test results back and realized I'm still second. BLOODY HELL! WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO GET ROGER TO SEE I'M SO MUCH HOTTER THAN NEAR?

Should I let him see me shirtless?

**Matt: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Got my shirt back from Near. Poor guy ruined his chances completely. Feeling bad for him. Got kicked by Mello for saying that. Oh yeah Test results back and I'm forever third. Meh. I'm smart, sexy, with amazing gaming skills and have the hottest man bitch one could ever have.

I win hands down.


	21. 15th October 2004

15th October 2004

**Light: [Age 18]**

Dear Diary,

Watching Yotsuba meeting with L and the rest….not my idea of romance but is all I can get these days. Cuff still on so might still have chance with L. One of these people clearly is Kira. Made same deduction as L that Namikawa cannot be Kira. SPOKE IN UNISON WITH L! WE'RE MEANT TO BE DIARY! So cute finishing each other's sentences. D'aww.

Might want threesome with Namikawa and L.

**L: [Age 24 going on 25 in less than a month]**

Dear Diary,

Light blushing and smiling and making eyes at me since we spoke in unison. ULTRA GAY! 100% sure that everyone here has crush on me now. Light called Namikawa saying he's L. YOU WISH LIGHT! Anyways, made deal with the guy and everything. Might be able to catch Kira. But still thinking Light is Kira. Also he's thinking faster than me…if he isn't Kira might have to disappoint both Near and Mello.

They're both sure to gang up and kill me…if Kira doesn't kill me first.

**Near: [Age 13]**

Dear Diary,

Owned Mello in class quiz today. Not a big deal. I own him every other day. I've owned the guy so much he should be my bitch on a leash by now. But Mello is such a hard bitch to tame. He got time off for violence. Hopefully L will hear about Mello owning. PICK ME L PICK ME! Don't pick girly boy! Quite sure I'll make a better 'little boy' for L than Mello.

L is mine.

**Mello: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Contemplating either killing myself or redhead or white head. Got owned by Near in class. Tried to throw pens at him. Teacher got mad. Got sent to corner for time off. We're teenagers silly woman time off doesn't do shit for us. WHAT'S WORSE? Got back from time out and someone had written 'Mello is Near's bitch' on desk with permanent marker! I SWEAR LET ME GET MY HANDS ON THE FAGGOT!

SO PISSED OFF!

**Matt: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Failed balls at quiz cuz was too busy playing pokemon. No matter. Mello not talking to me and reading something about medieval torture devices. Rage is understandable since Mello was clearly getting owned by Near. He even got time off for violence. Later rage was worse when he read 'Mello is Near's bitch' on his desk. Even made me rage. BLOODY STUPID FUCKS! MELLO IS MY BITCH AND MY BITCH ALONE!

Thinking of plotting against Near.


	22. 25th October 2004

25th October 2004

**Light: [Age 18]**

Dear Diary,

Have confirmed the Higuchi guy is Kira. Very ugly guy. Bad guys always ugly not like L, sexy beast. L so cute planning moves and everything. Can almost smell his hair burn with concentration. Also, before I forget, kudos to Misa for risking loli self to get to Higuchi.

Loli useful afterall.

**Misa: [Age 18]**

Dear Diary,

Found out LIGHT is KIRA! Rem the shinigami told Misa in Yotsuba washroom. Said need notebook to kill. So believable! Anyways Misa wants to be of use to Light so Misa went out with Higuchi [current Kira] and got info for investigation team. Everyone so pwoud of Misa Misa.

L is scary….

**L: [Age 24 going on 25 in 6 days]**

Dear Diary,

Misa so cute risking life to help with investigation. But starting to get very suspicious of her now. Weird no one else finding this suspicious. Can't help it have to take Higuchi [current Kira] down. Planning moves all sexy and shit. Also birthday coming up. Wondering if going to get hordes of gifts from Wammy's House. Must prepare for shitload of it. If it's going to be anything like last year, then must chain down Near, Mello and Matt.

WORKLOAD SHITLOAD!

**Near: [Age 13]**

Dear Diary,

L'S BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP! Trying to get Mello and Matt to stop trying to kill Greg so we can plan on what to do this year. Will allow Mello to go completely bonkers this year. MUST GET TO L. I shall have L this year even if I have to drag Mello and Matt to the end of the earth.

GET OFF GREG MELLO!

**Mello: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Found the piece of shit that wrote shit on my desk. It's Greg. Clearly ass face has a death wish. Stomped the shit out of him. Matt doing silly things to whatever is left of his face now. TAKE THAT FUCK FACE! Anyways, planning L's birthday with Near. What should we do? Security been so tight since the Kira case started.

Creative juices flowing.

**Matt: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Can always count on Mello to find the fucker that picks fights with him. Found out Greg wrote 'Mello is Near's bitch' on Mello's desk. Mello kicked the piss out of him….literally. I made him eat permanent markers. Mello is mine NOT Near's! Mello and Near told me to leave him be and come plan L's birthday. Told them to wait. Wrong move. Roger walked in and found me trying to shove marker up Greg. Both Mellz and I got bitch slapped and grounded….meaning no video games and no chocolate…

Shit….

**Author's Notes:** Seriously, Matt and Mello are such bullies. Also, brace yourselves. L is about to die.


	23. 28th October 2004

28th October 2004

**Light: [Age 18]**

Dear Diary,

WOOHOOO! CAUGHT HIGUCHI! GOT DEATH NOTE! BITCHES I AM BACK! I'm going to kill L. KILL KILL KILL! MUHUHAHAHAHAHA! In other news, sent Misa to look for other note that I so craftily hid underground. How cool am I? Also met Ryuk after so long. He went all teary eyed and wanted a hug. Told him to fuck off cuz L is watching.

Things I do for L.

**L: [Age 24 going on 25 in 2 days]**

Dear Diary,

So shinigamis do exist….so it's just a notebook….What a crafty killing device. So impressed…..Light had rather exaggerated reaction to seeing shinigami….like someone shoved baseball bat up his ass. Funny. Thought he'd enjoy that kind of thing. Anyways fearing for life. So much to do so little time.

Shall try shoving bat up the guy's butt someday….mind games starting to annoy me.

**Near: [Age 13]**

Dear Diary,

Planned out L's birthday! YAY! Our powers combined we so epic! Go, go Power Rangers! Go, go Power Rangers! Go, go Power Rangers! Mighty Morphin Power Rangers! ….yeah anyways, very pleased with self.

Watch out L here we come!

**Mello: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Done planning L's barfday. Anyways, giving personal touch to gifts. Also, Roger rather pissed at me and Matt. Constantly watching us and separating us…Matt currently getting lecture from Roger. Roger says I use my smarts wrong. BITCH PLEASE! I am the sexiest man alive and hence argument is invalid. SILLY MAN WE SHARE ROOMS!

NO ONE CAN SEPARATE US!

**Matt: [Age 14]**

Dear Diary,

Roger is a bitch. I WANNA HANG OUT WIF YELLOW JELLO MARSHMELLO! WHY U NO LET ME? The guy seriously thinks shoving a marker up Greg's ass is the worst thing I've ever done. Clearly he has no idea what all I shove up Mello. He says it's Mello's influence that's ruining me. BITCH PLEASE! Why is it that the loud ones get the blame for influencing the silent types. I have a brain y'kno! Anyways L's birthday all planned up. Psyched out! YAY!

Roger is going to shit bricks once we carry out the plan.


	24. 31st October 2004

31st October 2004

**L: [Age 25]**

Dear Diary,

Happy Birthday to me! I think this is the worst and yet the best thing the boys have ever done. Got contacted by Watari. He told me to get everyone in the room out. So I did…thought it was weird. He patches in a call from Roger and turns on video and guess what I see? My favorite boys holding Roger captive. Dialogue went a little like this:

L: …why am I not surprised?

Matt: is this thing on? CAN HE HEAR US? SEE US?

Mello: OFCOURSE HE CAN!

MMN: HAPPY BURFDAY L!

L: Thank you very much…Dare I ask why Roger is tied up?

Near: Thought you would've deduced that by now..

L: Just trying not to ask why you're dressed in a whip cream bikini, Near…

Near: *smiles* you like?

Mello: SHUT UP NEAR! LOOK L LOOK I CAN BURP BY ABCs! *proceeds to burp*

Matt: NU! Look at my score at Pac Man! *sticks portable console in line of view* *Mello still burping*

L: *sighs*

Matt: We sent you gifts…didja get them? Didjadidjadidja?

L: Yes they were very delightful. I do love icing cake and jelly and banana splits and melted chocolate with strawberries and-

Mello: YOU HEAR THAT BITCHES? HE LIKES CHOCOLATES…I LOOOOOOVE CHOCOLATES!

Near: L I can solve a rubic's cube in 7 seconds now…just uh…thought…I'd tell you.

L: D'AWW Really! That's so adorable.

Near: *smiles* See, Mello? He likes me better.

Mello: I have counted how many hairs I've got! YOU CAN'T DO THAT CAN YOU NEAR?

Near: pointless…

Matt: I hacked into UN's files using only one laptop.

Near: Even Matt is more useful than you, Mello.

Mello: If it wasn't for me Roger abduction would not have happened so shove it.

L: All of you are brilliant.

Matt: I didn't even get picked for successor!

Mello: HAH!

L: Doesn't mean you're not brilliant.

Matt: I don't mind…Mello all the way! DOWN WITH NEAR!

Mello: AWW HONEY! *glomps Matt*

Near: Don't worry L….they're retarded but they love you nonetheless.

L: …could say the same about you….whip cream bikini…nice touch frankly. Very impressive.

Near: Come around sometime….it…uh…would be nice to hang out…Matt and Mello don't have to be around.

MM: HEY!

L: you know what? Once I finish silly Kira off will do.

MMN: YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

L: I should work on it faster then? *they nod* Meaning…..I have to go*they pout*…please? *they nod* I'll see you all later.

MMN: OKAY!

*connection cuts off*

Shall go to Wammy's House once I'm finished with case….

**Author's Notes:**

Yes this is just sad….Sorry guys…. And yes I do realize it's just one diary entry. I just thought this would be the highlight of everyone's day so I don't need to repeat it. And Light can fuck off for today cuz it's L's birthday and his killer doesn't need to be around….[forever holding grudge against him for killing L...apologies to Light fans but Kira is forever in my bad books and that's not just for killing L]. Plus, L gets his own day….because well L…nuff said…g'bye L you'll be missed severely. Did you know the best score for rubic's cube is 5.66 seconds? ZOMG!


	25. 5th November 2004

**Author's Notes:** I realize it's been forever since I updated this fic but frankly I was running out of ideas but here we are and here's another update. Enjoy!

I don't own death note or fatties.

* * *

5th November 2004

**Light [Age 18]:**

Dear Diary,

I'm officially the smartest guy on planet earth. If you have any doubts and think it's L and not me you'd be wrong because L is no longer a part of this planet….or can't really contribute to the planet anymore. YES DIARY! YES! I have obliterated my only competition and now I can sit my ass down and pretend to be Kira, Light and L…..I'M THE M'FUCKING KING OF THE WORLD! I would've preferred it if I would've gotten to sleep with him before I killed him but too bad the only physical contact I had with him was when he fell out of his chair into my arms. Regretted decision for like 5 seconds.

Still an anal virgin…boohoo!

**L [Dead]:**

Dear Diary,

The weirdest thing happened. We had a shinigami amongst us….just to mention in case I hadn't already. And I was having a nice chit chat with Watari when shinigami disappears and Watari stops talking and deletes all data. VERY ANNOYED about being ignored till I realized he was probably dead. Was about to tell the rest that I was fearing for life when pang in heart made me fall out of chair right into Light's arms. EWW! Anyways have confirmed Light is kira. Unfortunately cannot make any moves to tell the rest since am now nothing but a metaphysical being.

Will go gambling with shinigamis later.

**Near [Age 13]:**

Dear Diary,

Had the weirdest dream today. It was about L….woke up in cold sweat….dreamt L stole Mello's chocolate and Mello was having withdrawal symptoms and turned into a scary muscular body building boxer and beat the shit out of me while Matt cowered in a corner avoiding Muscular Mello. Saw Mello this morning had a stroke like thing….pointed at him and screamed 'MUSCULAR MELLO! ZOMG MELLO IS HUGE!'

Mello can cure strokes with bitch slaps.

**Mello [Age 14]:**

Dear Diary,

Feeling very insecure about looks right now. Near pointed at me and screamed something about me being muscular and fat. Bitch slapped to make him shut him up because people were gawking. Ran back to room and checked weight. I gained 2 pounds! Cried eyes out. I'm so sad diary! I don't wanna be fat! Matt tried comforting but I know he'll leave me if I get fat. What do I do diary?

I love Matt…I can't lose pretty self!

**Matt [Age 14]:**

Dear Diary,

Strangest thing happened. I was skipping class sitting in room playing games when Mello barged in and ran to the bathroom. That's not the weird part. That happens a lot actually since Mello refuses to use any other bathroom…something about hygiene. What's weird though is he came out bawling and fell into his bed beating fists against the mattress. I didn't understand what the mattress did to offend him so but anyways I went to him and he said not to touch him because he's fat and I won't like touching him. I whined but he won't let me touch. Apparently, no sexy time for Matt tonight.

Going to have to fap. Sighs.


	26. 7th November 2004

7th November 2004

**Light [Age 18]:**

Dear Diary,

Starting to get really boring around here. Regretting killing sexy detective L. Misa keeps telling me to sleep with her. Have gone through my entire list of 105 excuses of how to avoid sleeping with someone in only 3 days. This is not healthy.

Don't even have a picture of L.

**L [Dead]:**

Dear Diary,

Well whaddaya know? Shinigamis are really dull stupid creatures that have done absolutely nothing to make any developments with their lives in ages. Gambling with them was fun. I won everything. They hate me now. Left alone with weird thing that I can spy on all of the human world with.

Shall catch up on Kira case once I'm done watching Misa Misa's bikini shoot.

**Near [Age 13]:**

Dear Diary,

Kind of hilarious watching Mello go jogging every day till he looks like a panting Chihuahua. Even Matt can't get him to stop. Hopefully he'll worry so much his brain would explode.

Wait….what?

**Mello [Age 14]:**

Dear Diary,

Been jogging daily. Won't let Matt touch me till I'm sexy again. Jogging so tiring. Should I quit chocolates for a while? HELL NO! Matt's been giving more time to his laptop than me. See? Told you he'd leave me if I get fat.

No worries. Will be lean mean sexy beast soon.

**Matt [Age 14]:**

Dear Diary,

Mello jogs! Like daily! For like HOURS! MY BALLS ARE GOING TO EXPLODE! Anyways been searching all over the internet to check if lack of sex can kill or explode balls or cause penises to fall off. Whatever the case must somehow prove to Mello that he is still sexy. Do you have any idea how hard it is to watch Mello sweat from all that jogging and then be unable to drench in said sweat?

No you don't. Of course you don't you stupid book!


	27. 10th November 2004

10th November 2004

**Light [Age 18]:**

Dear Diary,

Silly NPA superiors telling us to quit on Kira case. Don't they understand this is only way I can maintain cover and fulfill my dreams of recreating Korean dramas! Sigh!

Stupid people everywhere!

**L [Dead]:**

Dear Diary,

Watching Light grasp at straws trying to continue Kira case. Too bad he is Kira! Also, Diary, there are no sweets here….I just realized….too late to realize, yes I know. BUT WHAT DO I DO?

Shinigamis refusing to help in quest for sweets.

**Near [Age 13]:**

Dear Diary,

Worrying about Matt's sanity. He's been walking around like a zombie all day every day since Mello started jogging. Also paid several kids to say the word "fatty" at random times of the day when Mello passes them by. Realize I'm being a jerk but can't be helped.

Mello torture so much fun!

**Mello [Age 14]:**

Dear Diary,

People been calling me fatty behind my back I just know it! What the fuck! I lost like 2 kilos in 5 days! Matt being weird right now. Asking me to come with him….says he has something to show me. There! Told him to give me a minute or two. Weird suddenly getting so much attention from him. He's been staying up in front of games and laptops. Lucky the goggles hide the god awful dark circles he has developed.

Gotta go diary…two minutes over.

**Matt [Age 14]:**

Dear Diary,

Finally had stroke of genius after staying up forever looking for inspiration on laptop for how to make Mello realize he is still hot….perhaps hotter….his muscles have been toning so perfectly. Collar bones so sexy.

Anyways will let you know how it goes.


	28. 15th November 2004

15th November 2004

**Light [Age 18]:**

Dear Diary,

WOOT! Daddy finally managed to convince superiors to continue working on Kira case. So much fun pretending to be chased by sexy L. My sexy L! Where are you now? Up in the stars…In other news, moving in with Misa. WHY ME? So afraid of other developments that might happen during stay with Misa.

GADDAMN WHY DID I KILL THAT GENIUS!

**L [Dead]:**

Dear Diary,

Going to pass out due to lack of sugar. Have looked high and low for sweets but can't find anything. Had shinigami apples the other day. THEY TASTE LIKE SAND! Why damnit! Where are you sweet sugary goodness?

Can dead people pass out?

**Near [Age 13]:**

Dear Diary,

It has been so weird for the past 5 days. I think it's Matt's fault….No….I'm 100% sure this is Matt's fault. Mello has gone from being conscious yet confident to blubbering and self-conscious [thanks to me] to freakishly over confident…[thanks to Matt]. He's been walking around in vinyl pants for the past five days. Each day the only thing that changes is his shirt and the color of his pants. But they're all vinyl. ALL VINYL! Do you know what that means? It means every kid at Wammy has reached puberty pre-maturely.

Yes, including the five-year-olds.

**Mello [Age 14]:**

Dear Diary!

I HAVE LIKE THE SWEETEST BOYFRIEND EVER! I love my baby my Matty my red head sexy sex God…..shit! boner go down! ….hold on diary must go get Jeevas for help with boner.  
Ok yeah so where was I….yeah…it's gonna be a little smutty 'kay diary? Don't cringe okay? Why would you….more like how would you. Anyways so Matt bought this like full length mirror thing and lots LOTS of clothes and like he sort of made me strip down to my birthday suit and stand in front of the mirror. He then proceeded to compliment every inch of me….Swooning was so inevitable. Though his idea was pretty creepy….it worked though. He bought so many vinyl pants and midriffs and vests and undershirts and…and so many other things. Bye bye self-consciousness!

I'm m'fucking perfect!

**Matt [Age 14]:**

Dear Diary,

Noticing all eyes on Mello every day since I bought that mirror and proceeded to boost his ego and over-fill his wardrobe with vinyl. I think I did a good job….too good in fact. Everyone stares at him now….like they weren't already all in awe of him. Either way I'm too mesmerized by how sexy he looks every day to care much. That ass I tell you! In fact I've been gawking at him so much that I can recite the exact order in which he wore all those outfits in chronological order and backwards. Day 1: black undershirt yellow vinyl pants. Day 2: white midriff black vinyl pants. Day 3: black leather vest black vinyl pants [I think that's my favorite…it suits him]. Day 4: black midriff hot pink vinyl pants. Day 5: black undershirt leopard print vinyl pants.

Don't make me say it backwards.


End file.
